Those Words given by A Dad That Helped Me as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was just just surviving for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her main carer in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct statement "You're not in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a broader failure to open up between men, who continue to internalise negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a show of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a friend, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - looking after you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they faced their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."