A Friend Always Focuses On Her Own Life: Is It Time to End the Friendship?

I have been close companions for over two decades, who has faced and conquered many obstacles, which I admire. But, she's constantly caught off guard by people. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. Many of close acquaintances vanished then, since they had been focused solely on her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in greater energy in our friendship, likely understood more acutely what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Over the years, several close to her have drifted apart and she isn't sure why. Her previous job became hostile, although she had been highly competent, and she left unaware of the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both retired and are seeing each other more, yet I realize the part I play between us is to listen. I open discussion points but she shifts them to things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses unyielding views. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and different perspectives.

She has been organizing a vacation to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in previously. My intention was to provide advice, yet it was not welcomed. She really solely sought my agreement with her plans. I've just ended 30 days in that place she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, however, I feel she'll truly grasp the impact of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, but it is rarely the easy answer that we desire. However, addressing it aiming for resolution requires bravery and openness for each of you.

Therapists recommend using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one involves describing what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be based on facts like exactly what occurs. Next is to tell the way it makes you feel. This allows for no dispute on this point. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. The third step is to ask ways you together will alter the dynamics between you."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, meaning you must to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say her:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for a set time."

Key Takeaways

She might reject your concerns, as some people hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a version about themselves they cannot let go of because their very survival is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could at first react this way then consider on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, it will give you closure from having been open and direct.